by rossanahead | Apr 6, 2011 | family, grandparenting, parenting, woman
By Bubbles Salvador
My son has quite an unusual play group. When I’m working, his 65-year-old Lola looks after him. Sometimes, Luis spends an hour or two next door with his 19-year-old cousin. He also likes playing photographer to his 91-year-old great-grandmother, whom he calls Sweetheart.
How these lolas manage to care for such an active toddler during the day is beyond me. But Luis is such an Energizer bunny – I bet he gives his lolas all the energy they need.
Anyone who’s ever known a grandmother will agree with me: It is a blessing to be around them. Apart from Sweetheart, Luis has both lolas from my husband’s side and mine. He also has a very doting Lolo who often comes to see him in the morning – but I’ll save that for a different day.
I remember my own lolas – Viola and Nene, who both lived past 90. From Viola, who was an Olympic athlete and a school principal, I learned that women can succeed both at work and at home. Nene, on the other hand, was a farmer’s wife whose life taught me the value of hard work.
Luis may not realize it now but his grandmothers are teaching him life lessons even without them knowing it. Respect and compassion – these are values that we can teach only by doing. No school can teach that as effectively as when kids learn it at home.
So while my son may just be having fun play dates with his grandmothers, he is also learning that Sweetheart needs help when going down the stairs, that my mom’s wheel chair needs to be pushed by someone else, and that his Lola could use some help putting away his toys after playing.
The part where he makes his lolas super happy by showing off his crazy antics? It’s just a happy bonus.
by rossanahead | Apr 5, 2011 | family, parenting, Ruth M. Floresca, woman
By Ruth Floresca
Just last night, at a movie premiere where I brought my youngest son with me, some friends teased, “Pabata ng pabata ang mga ka-date mo ah.” (“Your dates are getting younger and younger.”) We all laughed at the joke because I’ve just “dated” my eldest son at another movie premiere a couple of weeks ago while my second son accompanied me to the press preview of a theater play last week.
As much as possible, I try to take time to bond with my boys, including hubby, one at a time at least once or twice a month, or more, if time and budget permits. See, I am guilty of getting caught up almost every day with writing deadlines and house chores that I don’t get to talk to them as much as I’d like to.
But when we’re traveling on the way to and from our dates, I am able to catch up on what’s happening with them and get to know each young man better. It’s a continuous process, this getting to know one’s children because they grow up so fast and I don’t want to wake up one morning to find out that I don’t know anything about them anymore.
Thus, I am very grateful for those moments we are given pockets of time to bond. My kids do sometimes protest that they’d rather stay at home and watch DVDs or catch up with friends on Facebook. But I do hope that when they’re all grown up and have families of their own, they’ll remember those instances when they had a great time laughing with their mother during a hilarious play or movie; eating a new dish they got to try the first time we ate at a restaurant we’ve never been to before; or getting lost because we rode the wrong jeepney and hilariously panicked together because it was nearing midnight and we had no idea how we’ll get to our destination.
Someday, I’m sure I’ll also look back at those moments and have a great time remembering …
by rossanahead | Apr 4, 2011 | family, Karen Galarpe, parenting, woman
By Karen Galarpe
The security guard peeked into my little red checkered tote bag before allowing me entry into the bank early Wednesday morning last week. He must have been amused because he said, “Thank you, ma’m” in a cheerful tone.
Inside my bag, you see, was a Zip Loc plastic bag full of P5 and P10 coins. Total weight: maybe 5 pounds. Total count: over P1,000.
It was my mom’s gift to my son. For quite some time, my mom would drop P5 and P10 in two piggybanks. They became full recently, and so she gave them to my son. It was my son who decided to deposit all of the coins in his account at the bank, which was what he did too when he got some cash as gift last Christmas.
I can’t remember how old he was when I first opened a bank account for him. Definitely it was before he started grade school, though. And so over the years, whenever he would receive cash from godparents and family members, these would go straight to the bank.
When my two friends got married more than a decade ago, I was floored when I learned they bought a house using their own money as downpayment. They were just in their 20s then. It turns out both of them grew up with their parents saving for them in the bank all the money gifts they received since they were small. So in some 20 years, compound interest has made their savings grow so much that these were enough to help them start on their own two feet when they got married.
The habit of saving can be instilled in a child early. Aside from opening a bank account for him, let him see you and the people around you practice saving as well. Start today and keep at it until it becomes second nature to your child.
by rossanahead | Apr 3, 2011 | family, Jing Lejano, parenting, travel, woman
By Jing Lejano
When I first took a vacation with my sisters many, many years ago, I had to be persuaded. At the time, the idea of going on vacation without my children was foreign to me. We always went everywhere together, which meant, of course, that I was never able to have a proper vacation.
It starts with the packing. I had to make sure that everybody had the appropriate number of shirts and shorts and jammies and undies. If we were traveling somewhere warm, then swimsuits and towels and sunscreen and burn ointments must be taken care of. If we were traveling somewhere cold, then jackets and pants are mandatory. We’re not even talking about their vitamins and medicines, and when we still had a baby, diapers and bottles.
I remember running after them on the beach, making sure they didn’t go too far from the shore. I remember walking behind them as they ran through hills, making sure nobody loses a footing—and being there if by chance they do. I remember feeding them, bathing them, and then putting them all to sleep, and remembering that hey, we are actually on vacation. Or at least, they are.
It wasn’t until years later that I realized that I needed a break—badly. And that’s when it dawned on me: I have to go on vacation, a real one!
On our first day out, I was so happy not to be bothered by the knock of little fingers while I was in the bathroom. It was an absolute joy not to have any itinerary or any real agenda. I slept. I ate. I swam. I lied down on the sand, and made castles. It was glorious!
Today, I know better. Whether it’s a three-day trip or a two-hour appointment at the spa, I know that the best way that I could take care of my children is to take care of myself first.
by rossanahead | Apr 1, 2011 | children, Gina Abuyuan, parenting, woman
By Gina Abuyuan
In my most recent post, I listed down qualities or “practices” that solo parents may be doing to be raising pretty well-rounded and well-grounded children. Aside from showing them—inadvertently or advertently—a more “real” view of the world, and teaching them to be more responsible and understanding, solo parents somehow also produce more conscientious children. Whether this is a reaction rooted in guilt (since the child sees the parent having to exert double the effort in everything), I don’t know. I’m no psychologist, so this can all be attributed to observation.
One of the areas I see this trait in is money and material possessions. Even with the world at his feet and everyone around him eager to make up for his lack of a mother via gifts or cash, J, my partner’s son, shrugs it off. I’ve heard him say more than once, “I have enough.” Sometimes we even have to force him to think of things for us to buy him when we go abroad or even to the supermarket. Once, when I brought him an assortment of potato chips, he asked me whom they were for. His reason? He didn’t ask for them, so they must be for somebody else.
I still have yet to encounter a problem with him going overboard his budget. Since he’s already in college, his allowance is substantially higher than his half sisters (on his mom’s side), and his would-be stepsister and brother (on his dad’s side, through me). That’s not to say he scrimps, but it’s apparent he’s a smarter spender and saver than most 20-year-olds with their own car and access to a bank account.
I see the same cautiousness about finances in my daughter. It’s not that she doesn’t want anything, but saving up and spending for something she lusts after is second nature to her. Three years ago, at 10 years old, she saved her Christmas money to buy a Mac optical mouse worth P3,000. The year after that, she bought her own Skullcandy earphones. This year, after selling her first wave of silicone ballers (and paying what she owed me in full the very moment she could), she bought her own DS, and treated herself to a few pieces at Forever 21. (It made me think—what was I doing when I was 13? Lying in my bed daydreaming about Duran Duran, that’s what.)
So what did my partner and I do—aside from triggering in them a certain sense of responsibility due to our situation—that made them more careful about money than normal? Here’s what I think:
* We encouraged piggy banks or money jars at an early age. I prefer a transparent jar so kids can see how much is being saved. Let them lift the jar from time to time to see how heavy it’s getting. Take a few coins out to buy some candy to show them the concrete relation between money and a product. (I haven’t opened bank accounts for my kids yet, but my partner has. Maybe I should soon.)
* Make them earn it. I didn’t do the “do your chores” bit, since I believe kids should pitch in without getting paid; besides, with what my daughter earns with her ballers, you think she’d even want to wash the dishes for P50? Nah. When my daughter said, “I want to earn money,” I asked her to figure out what she was good at, and make money from that. She’s quite adept at graphic design, so boom. Ballers. Next up: bags and shirts.
* I keep my kids’ money gifts, but when we go out and they see something they like, I remind them about the amount that’s with me. I ask them to think twice about whether they want to blow all of it on that certain product, or if they can live without it, or if they’d like to look around more. It discourages impulse buying.
* We’re careful about our own attitudes about money, and how they might influence the kids. We’re generous when we can, we’re honest about tightening the belt straps if need be. Eating in Mang Larry’s in U.P. doesn’t mean we can’t have as a good time if we eat in Burgoo’s. We don’t like swiping the card, and my partner has illustrated to my daughter and to his son the horrors and problems of people mired in debt. We never say “money is the root of all evil,” because money can be good—it just depends on how you use it. I’m particularly sensitive about the phrase “wala akong pera” because that creates waves of energy that will make it a self-fulfilling prophecy, so I call my daughter’s and partner’s attention whenever I hear that. We also like to point out stuff in the news—the AFP scandal, for instance—and use them as opportunities to remind them that stolen money or ill-gotten wealth means you’ve deprived other people of their due, and it’s likely to come back and bite you nastily in the ass.
by rossanahead | Mar 29, 2011 | children, Lyra Pore, parenting, woman
By Lyra Pore
Getting my kids to clean their bedrooms has been a hit-and-and miss affair in our household. I’ve tried giving direct orders: “Clean your room.” It doesn’t work. I’ve tried praising the merits of tidiness: “Isn’t it awesome?” It doesn’t work. After several years of experimentation, I’ve found two things that do work.
I’ve only written the first paragraph of this blog when I had to leave the computer to get the table ready for breakfast. I come back after a while to find this list typed into my draft:
- Give them chocolate.
- Pay them lots of money.
- Give eldest daughter a unicorn.
- Give eldest daughter books.
- Take eldest daughter to Harry Potter theme park.
- Give eldest daughter an iPad.
Nice try, eldest daughter, but these are the tricks that actually do the job:
TRICK NO. 1: Grab a large garbage bag and announce to the children: “I’m going to clean your rooms. Everything I pick up on the floor will go into this bag and get chucked in the bin.”
It doesn’t matter whatever’s keeping them busy at the moment. Selena Gomez could very well be doing the most amazing thing on Wizards of Waverly Place, but they drop everything at the sight of the black garbage bag and run to their rooms as fast they can. They know our ever-reliable garbage collector never misses his weekly run.
TRICK NO. 2: Invite their friends to come to the house.
Two weeks ago, one of their classmates rang around 11:00 in the morning.
“Can I come over to play?”
“What time?”
“11:30?”
“Mom, is that OK?”
“Yes. But make sure you tidy up. You know I don’t like showing other people our mess.”
As soon as she hangs up the phone, she and her sister run around the house picking up toys and other litter. In less than half an hour, they have the house–not just their bedrooms–looking sparkling clean.
Ha! You bet I’ve been on the phone today organizing play dates with other moms.
“Hi! I was wondering if I could invite your little girl to come play at our house this weekend.”
“Thank you! That’s wonderful. She’d love to come.”
Featured Photo Courtesy of Metro Parent
